Something much more personal

There is something personal that I’d like to share here, some quite intimate thoughts needed time to get articulated and here they are, finally. I was so relieved today because of it, almost seeing these thoughts clearly while my children were happily running around me, having the greatest fun while speeding down the waterslide by the pool. Their laughter made me realize how absurd were previous weeks of my life as one »truther«.

My truther career is relatively a short one if I consider my public appearance, yet quite many years already passed since I started waking up to all the nasty fakery and hoaxing going on around us. I can still remember how my high-school classmates, the feminine ones, got me confused with their emancipated worldview and how such behavior made me think about the roles of sexes early in my youth. The real issue was that they were even more confused than me, yet none of us could articulate what was wrong and how deep that rabbit hole is. I had no clue back then that feminism was stolen and manipulated to serve a sinister purpose of confusing our adolescent minds, the war of sexes became cruel reality in the meanwhile, but I am really happy to have read confirmation of my early gut feeling about the mess of feminist thoughts.

My intuition is rather strong, my first impression rarely lets me down but what I have noted is that I sometimes override my intuition with ratio and that is usually when things take a wrong turn. I usually end up loosing control of all that follows, with consequences that have so far colored to many of my remaining hairs gray. Without any kind of shades to that grayness, I had to do something about it, not solely for my resemblance approaching my father’s, who turned gray decades to soon, with the speed of light, but try to get a firm grasp of nature’s gift and finally start using the intuition to my advantage.

Yet I failed again to protect myself from diving into trouble, the voice of my intuition telling me to reject a certain invitation got muted by my ratio. Again. This time I have been the victim of my own desire to receive some wider public recognition only to realize two important things in matter of days: for one, I do not care for a public recognition in such regard and for second, that all my true, clean and honorable intentions count as nothing realistic. Those values seem to be forgotten or even more – chewed, spat out and trampled down into the dirt made out of dignity. There was some progress that I have made, though. My first reply to that particular invitation was clean rejection, but I somehow changed my decision and accepted it afterwards.

Luckily, this experience was free of charge, I may even call it a gift. And here comes absurdity into the perspective, which is rarely simple to articulate and explain to myself or anybody else. While my intuition was correct and my first reaction was correct as well, my character was out of its strength and inertia, not being able to keep the starting position. The reason? Some irrelevant and second-grade desire. And for what result, you may ask? Only to receive another rejection of my clean and pure intentions – the truth itself – but this time with the most preposterous statement about such aforementioned intentions.

If I told any of my friends or family members what I was accused of while trying to explain our local communist tragedy, we would be laughing at it while pitying those who doubt about the extent of any such regime. As a matter of fact, I did tell this story to one of my closest friends and received a shocking answer, an answer that got my thoughts spinning even faster. »You know«, he said, »those who deny any part of what our parents’ and grandparents’ generations went through around here and to the East, are the same people who would again pull out the guns on us when feces* would start to fly around again. They are exactly of the matching profile to get blinded by some ideology and begin to cleanse any territory if given an opportunity«. Think about that for a moment, especially if you have never been exposed to communism or if you never cared to leave your couch and visit i.e. Slovenia’s 600 (and counting) sites that would definitely change your worldview. No cognitive dissonance is possible while facing such sites and if we went down south, there are many more similar locations, where many innocent people’s stories are literally screaming in order to be heard. In essence, this was my leitmotif when starting the series of essays, the one that was abruptly and momentarily stopped when posted elsewhere.

And when I was actually standing still again, pissed off for accepting that invitation and heavily troubled for the crude manners of my adversary, it was all blown away in matter of days. I have realized that there is absolutely no relevant reason for me to be exposing myself publicly, since majority of everything I have learned lies right in front of anybody reading this text, you can simply do the same thing as I did in the last few years – hit the Google search with (smart) search terms – and start learning the truth without any shortcuts to it. Or if I look at it from my perspective, my digital presence makes no difference in regard to the truth already published out there and made accessible to anybody searching for it. Just take those few links pubished at my blog and voilà, some portion of the truth is right in front of you.

Not to be misunderstood, let me rephrase my last few sentences. I have a tendency to occasionally offend my interlocutors by expressing the essence without any additional notes to it. The problem is not with any of you, but is my personal issue – as much as I respect all of the viewers, who stopped by and read my blog’s content, the major driving force behind my blogging is to participate in something that may bring this nasty fakery and hoaxing to and end. I have no clue how and when it will happen, but being a truly optimistic character, I want to believe that we actually do have a chance to get rid of the PTB and stop their manipulation once and forever. While my blogging may seem important to some very small  number of you reading this, there is more effective way for me to participate in revealing aforementioned manipulation. And it involves my children and all of their friends and all the other children in my small town, so I have decided to become socially active and begin alerting all ignorant young parents about the dangers of fluoride presence and vaccination issues. I most certainly stand with better chances of waking somebody up (and possibly preventing some serious health issues while doing so), which is the reason I presume you may understand my decision.

There are two series of my posts/essays that I will finish off before abandoning active blogging, mainly for two reasons: for one, my best digital friend has told me that my work is important which is by itself a reason strong enough to lead and for second, by not finishing one of my series I would most certainly cause at least one, possibly two cardiac arrhythmias or even cardiac arrests. And that is just out of the question.

*feces = shit -> what he meant is figurative, standing for the collapse of social&political system


3 thoughts on “Something much more personal

  1. Thank you for you kind words and welcome to the blog, Diggy. This post was mostly my wounded ego speaking, but you’ve surprised me with your comment anyway. It’s nice to hear that you check and read my blog while waiting for Miles’ new essays, knowing it is for sure an excelelnt motivation…


  2. I read this again tonight and let it sink in considerably. It seems like we came to different conclusions about how to present ourselves “publicly” (on the Internet), but that’s not what sunk in. I find your journey so similar to mine, and so deeply profound it’s difficult for me to express. Thank you so much for your writing and I hope you’re doing well.

    Liked by 1 person

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